This can be a full contact sport

Looks like a design failure

Q1: “Have you ever thought you REALLY had to poop? But when you get to the toilet, it’s just a really big fart?”

Been happnin to me a lot recently.
Is it just gas? should i be concerned?

I typically end up pooping eventually later on, though not in the same “sitting” hehehe

Q2: “Why doesn’t my husband ever compliment me?”

I have been with my husband for five years and we’ve been married for a little less than a year. I love him very much and I believe him when he says he loves me, but he never gives me compliments or tells me what he likes about me. I have very low self-esteem; I consider myself offensively ugly and unattractive and I sometimes feel “down” about that, but in the past year, I began a very flirtatious (but nonsexual) relationship with another man. I loved how much attention this other man gave me, how attracted to me he was, and how he loved being around me. Eventually this relationship ended and I told my husband that I need him to compliment me more and make me feel special (as this other man did). My husband told me he understood and was very sweet, but is still not forthcoming with the compliments. He tells me he loves me, but still never compliments me even when I feel down and really need it. Why won’t he compliment me?

Opps

Those dog sized rats better watch out

Found this on matt.wordpress.com

The tire was done with it’s racing career and decided to hang up the old rim

It was  a Friday night and my wife and I brought home a pizza from Costco. We each grabbed a piece and cut up a piece for our lovely 2 year old daughter. We proceeded to the back of our house to enjoy our dinner. When we got to the back we realized that we left our daughters plate in the front. Innocently enough we asked our 2 year old to go get her plate from the front. When she did not return after a minute I decided to head up front to see what happened. I enter the kitchen to discover our precious little daughter holding the whole large pizza. She sees me and politely says “Daddy take a bite”. I was torn between grabbing the camera or saving the pizza, being that I was hungry I decided to save the pizza. Amazingly enough there was no sauce on the floor, although the box from the table was on the floor. She somehow managed to get the pizza off the table and picked the whole thing up without it hitting the floor.

Pure talent, the car jumps out of its shoes!

1. Sorange
      When two or more condiments, such as ketchup and mustard, mix together while in a sandwich. Sorange almost always drips out of the end of the sandwich when a bite is taken.

   Do I have any sorange on my face?

2. Sorange
      1. A slow methodical search for something
      2. The act of thinking deeply on an issue to reach a conclusion. (synonym: contemplate)

   Although we did sorange high and low, we were unable to find the missing puzzle piece.
   I must sorange upon the matter further before giving you a definite answer.

Curtisey of urbandictionary.com